I understand why this is kind of neat, but come on. You can’t readjust things during Tetris, that defeats the point of Tetris. This isn’t “Analog Tetris” it is “Puzzle Game With Blocks That Isn’t Tetris but Happens to be Tetris Shaped.” I really just want to keep saying Tetris. Tetris.

Tetris analógico // Analogical Tetris from Esferobite-DSK on Vimeo.

Also expect some short stories on the blog in the coming days.

Most important philosopher of our time. I don’t think a single modern human being has shaped my views on society and politics as much as George Carlin.

So what I’ve learned today is that if you send a bunch of guys who actually like Street Fighter out into the woods with some cameras, they will end up making something that is, without exaggeration, one billion trillion times better than any of the fucking god awful Street Fighter movies we’ve been graced with to this point. I give the original one a pass because it was campy and I was a dumb kid when I saw it, but that Legend of Chun Li nonsense was one of the worst things I’ve ever seen that wasn’t directed by Michael Bay, a GI Joe live action movie, or a Dragonball live action movie. It was just awful. Luckily, this exists now- it is only three minutes long, but it is the best three minutes of live action Street Fighter ever recorded. And yes I’m counting that Jacke Chan thing.

Okay, let’s just be serious for a minute. How awesome is Kidcrash? The answer is pretty awesome.

Of course you do.

For those of you who aren’t gigantic dusty old bones like me and the rest of us 20 somethings, you might not remember Nick Arcade. Nick Arcade was the most frustrating show ever for video game kids, geek kids, or just kids with brains to watch, as it seemed they had to pry some of their contestants gnarled fingers loose from the very bottom of the barrel. Not to mention a host who might have been a little bit crazy, awful 90s era special effects and skits, and everybody sucking at video games. This will probably send you back to nostalgia land- a land where you are still wearing your Boba Fett underoos, eating Nintendo cereal, and getting yelled at for the very first time by your parents because you cursed at the television screen.

Whatever, dumb bitch should have known how to charge Sonic’s dash.

So I really pull no punches when it comes to my views on the role of traditional heteronormative relationships in modern society. I view them as sort of a stringent control mechanism in order to keep us all in line and consuming. This may seem sort of nihilistic, but look at it from my perspective- every single person alive is completely different, yet the vast majority defines and attempts to adhere to the same definition of a relationship. Traditional relationships just don’t work for some people. Look at me? Six months ago I quit a decent paying job, forfeited my license, and moved back in with my parents so I could focus on my writing full time. That doesn’t exactly make me prime dating material, and if I tried to make a relationship work with somebody who was looking for the general type of relationship that we, as humans, have been conditioned to expect it would be an absolute miserable failure.

This isn’t to say that it doesn’t work for some people, but people who attempt to live further off the beaten path and away from most of the stuff we are supposed to be doing to be contributing members of society, more often than not pretentious weirdo artists, don’t always do well when trying to wedge themselves into the strict confines of a relationship. But they don’t know better to avoid it or to find alternatives because, from day one, they were told that the traditional relationship is the only possible relationship, which is of course inherently false. Open relationships, polygamy, “friends with benefits”, partners in crime, etc are all viable options and would probably work much better for huge swatches of people if they didn’t have the societal opinion of a relationship so burnt into their brains. I really can’t tell you how many times I’ve met a free spirited artsy girl who professed that she wasn’t into relationships and was perfectly fine with me doing the starving artist thing, only to eventually realize that I’m fully committed to my lifestyle and that she probably won’t ever be able to change that. This is usually when they end up banging an IT guy, a scientist, or in one bizarre case, a glitch DJ. I don’t ever blame the girl in these instances as much as I blame how they were conditioned. I find that they really, really want to share the same anti-traditional views on relationships that I have, or even they want to experiment with a new type of relationship to see if it is for them, but in the end they revert back to the way society taught them to act towards relationships.

And really, you can see this for yourself. Look at any number of your friends who aren’t the tie wearing/name tag having types. The odds are they are embroiled in a normal relationship or yearning for it. Why? When all relationships are expected to follow the same routines and same structure, why would people who do nothing but eschew and push away from routine and structure feel it is necessary to put themselves into that situation when there are so many other alternatives? It is something I often struggle with thinking about, mostly because I’m still not entirely clear either. This may seem like a pragmatic view on relationships, but “I’m only human” and occasionally fall into the hopeless romantic trap and think that being entirely committed to somebody else in a traditional sense doesn’t sound too bad. It always ends badly though, as you most likely have figured out already.

Anyway, that might seem like a super serious post considering the video I’m linking to is of animated sprites showing what happens after you actually rescue the princess in a video game, but in all honesty this is a fantastic representation of the way I view the traditional relationship. If you think that seems cold, emotionless, stereotypical, or any other thing- take a step back and look at the progression of your own relationships and see if they were really any different.

We are all just consumers, remember?

Hevisaurus is a Finnish Dinosaur metal band.

Like Christmas morning, Red Letter Media gives us the newest installment of “crazy dude reviewing shitty movies: the series” and it is just as amazing as one would expect considering how great the Phantom Menace review was. I enjoy this one more because, despite how awful Phantom Menace was, I too find this to be the worst of all the Star Wars movies. I would rather fuck an Ewok and spoon Jar Jar than ever have to watch this one again. My plan is to replace the DVD copies of these movies I have with the reviews this guy puts out.

Fuck you George Lucas.

This is only the first part of NINE. I’m sure you are savvy enough to find the rest. Hopefully.

If there is one thing better than Arnold one liners, it is 160 Arnold one liners all mashed together and completely out of context. I could have used more Total Recall parts, but I say that about any video I see on the internet. Puppies cuddling? Needs more Total Recall. Sneezing panda? More Total Recall. Guy shoving a bottle up his ass and it breaking and then he has to dig the glass out? Total Recall.

Hell has frozen over. College Humor actually did something interesting.

This is, obviously, a parody of Empire State of Mind but with Star Wars. Probably not blazing any new ground or anything as parody material goes, but the production and quality of everything involved is actually way above what I’ve come to expect from a site that caters almost entirely towards the lanyard crowd. Worth it almost entirely for breakdancing Stormtroopers, but the Princess Leia chick isn’t exactly hard on the eyes either.

Seriously though, this is pretty great. Did I lose cool points for liking this? I didn’t even know I had any left.

“I made wearing black more famous than that JayZ kid” is actually a great line. Where the hell did this come from?

Who knew?

This is an almost cripplingly depressing piece of Japanese performance art about a robot. It isn’t a sad robot in the way that Sad Robot is a sad robot, but it is certainly enough to make you do that wistful sigh before you click the x and start watching porn again.

Seriously. They will.

So I’m going to go out on a limb and assume that if you are reading this blog because of my video game writing, or even on the rare chance you read this blog because of my fiction, you are probably not a huge Gorgoroth fan. I tend to skew hipster, which I’m fine with, but you might need a quick walkthrough before you watch this half an hour long documentary. Gorgoroth are the most stereotypical black metal band of all time. Are you a normal dude who loves Dethklok? This is them in real life. They have played on stage with severed sheep heads and more blood than a Miike film. This documentary is based mostly on their lead singer Gaahl. Gaahl is one of the most feared people in Norway. Seriously. He has done jailtime for torturing people.

This is so surreal at times you won’t have any idea if this guy is serious.

He is.

I make no bones about the fact I believe Battlestar Galactica, regardless of fairly odd ending, is the best sci-fi drama in ever. So when I saw a video involving some internet hero editing scenes from Galactica to mirror the Beastie Boys’ iconic Sabotage, I kind of thought “Hey, I’ll post that on my blog even though every other blog on the internet has it posted too.”

So here it is.

I really like this, and I find Funny or Die to be the most hit or miss video collector site out there. The dude from The Mask’s Reagan impression is uncanny. Still, I probably only find it hilarious because I agree with the political agenda behind it. So if you like banks getting lots of money, abortion doctors being murdered, gays being considered unequal, women getting paid less than men, unnecessary wars, segregation, trying to teach religious doctrine in the place of scientific fact, or celebrating mediocrity through misdirection and media manipulation, then you probably won’t find agree with the political humor I enjoy. Also you are an asshole.

This is more Epic than a mash up of Epic Beard Man reading a copy of Clive Barker’s Nightbreed while listening to Epic by Faith No More. In the end Fred Williamson teaches White Dog the true meaning of tolerance and Christmas before he shoots him in the face and turns his fur into a present for the mayors fine looking white daughter. Academy Award for best screenplay? That would be mine, thank you.

Hey, hey you over there. Finish your drink, we’ve got to close. No, no I understand Al Gore said the Internet would last forever, but we are closing now. So drink your improperly poured Guinness and get out, the waitresses have to clean the tables and put the chairs up before we can leave. What? Why is the internet closing? Because no YouTube video is ever going to top this once. We are just calling it a day now. You can see if Arpanet is still open down the street, but I think that is an Army bar.

How come nobody told me there was a new Symphony of Science video? Are you still mad at me for not getting anymore Sad Robot up yet? I’m sorry, but that is no excuse to withhold the only thing in this world that should be allowed to use autotune. This would probably be the first CD I will purchase since I the day I discovered IRC when it is all finished. Plus this one gives me an ultra geek boner since it is named after a Dawkins quote.

This is not work safe, but you shouldn’t be at work anyway and should be out frolicking in the fields free of commercialization and the evil overlords in polo shirts and bad ties that control your life. But, just in case you are at work, this AIDS awareness spot (you know, just in case you weren’t aware it existed or anything) contains a whole lot of naughty parts. It is also decidedly awesome.

Sometimes I wish writers still used quills and parchment. Acting frustrated over a blank word document just isn’t as dramatic an image. You end up looking less like an artist struggling with his vision and more like a dude who is slightly uncomfortable with his game of spider solitaire. I say this because the last two weeks have been brutal for my creativity. At first it was because I was sick, but now I feel like being sick somehow burnt out the part of my brain that converts ideas to words. There is nothing more frustrating to me than having ideas but not being happy with how they are being conveyed. One of the reasons I picked up video game journalism was because I needed a creative outlet for when my mind wouldn’t let me get any writing done and, as the moderate success I’ve had with that whole deal shows, it has been a pretty good formula. Recently however, I have found myself with an increasingly strong desire to do more with what little talent I actually possess. Yet I haven’t been happy with a single thing I’ve put to text in a month. I seemed to accidentally disengage the part of me that does video game journalism from the part of me that wants to make word-art. This isn’t to say I don’t like writing about games, I love it, and I still think my reviews and style are creative and original within the industry, but it is no longer filling my artistic coffers. I need to write- really write- more. I have pages upon pages of ideas I think are fantastic, and I have even more swirling around in my brain, but I just have no motivation/muse/morale and am having the hardest time getting things down.

My brain is weird though. When I’m in a creative lull like this and the artistic process isn’t coming easy to me, I get incredibly jealous of people with artistic ability they can convey in more visually and aurally pleasing ways. Painters, musicians, photographers, et al. Maybe it is just because I’m a basket case about my writing, with my hangups and superstitions and all, but I get jealous because in typical “grass is always greener” fashion it just seems easier for musicians or performance artists to get feedback on their work. Which, in turn, makes it easier to create it. It isn’t necessarily a confidence thing, I know my writing is good, but it just seems more frustrating for a writer. Hell, I’ve had people even say that I can’t call myself an artist because artists “draw or paint” which just struck me as so offensive. I always feel an artist is someone with a desire to create, regardless of what medium they use. I understand where those people come from though, because a painter or a musician can make art that appeals to people at a base level. A good painter creates a painting that people can look at and discuss easily. A performance artist puts themselves into a piece and people can view it and be moved by it. A musician plays a song and people hear it and acknowledge it. They do this with amazing visuals or pleasing audio. What I do looks like a bank statement no matter what. The only people that see beauty in words are other writers.

That is why I wish we used parchment and quill pens still. That was the only time a writers plight could be made a visual and easily understandable thing. If I visit a friend who plays an instrument and they are having a hard time doing something, it is noticeable. You can commiserate easily. Same with an “real” artist who like draws or paints. Go to their house during a creatively frustrating time and see crumpled sketches, half-finished canvas, and eraser shavings sprinkled on their desk like snow. Back in the day it would be the same thing with a writer. The mental image of a struggling writer with paper strewn about and their head hanging in their hands is a powerful one, and one that kind of gets lost nowadays. When I get frustrated with my writing what do I do? I hit backspace a bunch of times or open up a new word document. There simply isn’t enough dramatics there for me. I know it sounds kind of ridiculous, but it goes back to that comment about writers “not being real artists” that bothered me so much.

Luckily my jealousy of other artists is only a superficial jealousy. Because the irony is that I find people who do express their vision and do it uncompromisingly to be the most stabelizing thing during times like this. It seems that anytime I have trouble creating I tend to find inspiration in other artists. I can kind of track my creative periods by this. For example, when I finished my first still unpublished novel I did it during a time when I got into the incredibly underrated Ryan Armand’s comics- especially minus which you may have seen me talk about here before. I use inspiration here in a different sense then usually expected though. The novel I finished during that creative high point didn’t reflect his work at all. It was just the sheer fact that someone as talented as him was doing what he wanted and making a living by following his creative vision. You can always tell the difference between somebody that does something because they want to make money doing it, and somebody who does something whether or not they make money doing it at all. It is that latter category that helps give me inspiration. So I’ve found that usually when my respect for an artist reaches its peak is when I’m most motivated and find it easiest to focus on conveying things. The positive of this is that I’ve recently rediscovered Amanda Fucking Palmer. I say rediscovered because I think it is a prerequisite that every artsy current/ex-goth kid in the North East have at least a passing enjoyment of The Dresden Dolls. But after they went on their hiatus, I kind of put them out of memory. Then last year I got a copy of Who Killed Amanda Palmer and never really gave it more than a cursory listen, it was enjoyable but didn’t really register for various inexplicable reasons. Now that I’m in a creative lull, however, I had been churning through my Neil Gaiman collection (another thing I do when I am lacking motivation/inspiration/focus) and checked to see if anything new was coming down the pipeline. This lead me to reading something about him getting engaged to Miss Amanda Palmer. I figured, hey, if my authorial idol, one of the most brilliant writers in existence, fell in love with the broad the least I could do is listen to her album again.

So as I warm up and realize what a creative powerhouse she is, and more importantly how dedicated to her art she is, maybe a switch will go off in my head like it did when I first discovered minus or the first time I picked up a Sandman comic and decided that was what I wanted to do with my life. If so I guess I’ll send her a fruit basket.