As everyone knows, I love comparatively useless USB gadgets, and this one has found its place in my cold heart. For only $17 bucks (it isn’t like that money would have filled your tank anyway) you can purchase this nifty device that lights up for you anytime you receive an e-mail. You can even set this thing to flash a different color for either the location of the mail or the volume of mail contained within an account. I’m buying one. I figure 17 dollars for a physical representation of my apathy towards emptying out my hotmail account is a great investment.

3000 unread messages? Yeah. I’ll get to it blinking envelope. I’ll get to it.

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Sanyo apparently has decided that Andy Griffiths’ prediction on the downfall of Blu-ray isn’t going to keep them from making a fancy new laser. What did the Sherriff of Mayberry do to become qualified for that job anyway? The new laser will be able to write at speeds of 12x, compared to the paltry current 8x that Blu-ray burners can achieve now. It will also enable the reading and writing of four 25GB layers of information. It would take roughly 10 minutes to burn the entire disc. That is like… a whole lot of gigs per second. I would do the math but I’m a journalism major for a reason.

And that reason is to pick up chicks. Hey ladies, want to hear my thoughts on the two party system? I bet you do.

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No, really, if you went out and got yourself one of dem dere new fangled iPhones but just can’t for the life of you figure out why everything you click that offers you free ringtones makes your computer die a slow death, you are in luck! All you need is mp3s with no DRM and iTunes 8. Although, if you found getting ringtones difficult on the iPhone to begin with, this is probably way too computery for you. Just go put a helmet on and watch some cartoons. There. That is better, isn’t it?

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This magical picture frame by T-Mobile is rigged up to accept picture messages and display them while you are taking them. The only thing standing between you and this necessity is whether you think paying $100 for a tacky looking frame and a monthly fee for the picture service is a good way to spend your tip money.

I don’t know about you, but the idea of paying $10 bucks a month to be able to upload the upskirt pictures I take at the mall directly to a picture frame in my parents basement doesn’t seem all that appealing when I can just plug my camera directly into my computer when I get back from my “sightseeing” trip, but maybe you can find a better use for it… like planting one in a friends house when he is having his girlfriends parents over and taking pictures of your junk while they are eating dinner. Sorry Bob, but that is what you get for not letting me sleep with your sister.

Consider us even.

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As I’m sure you already noticed, iTunes has released its new version 8.0 and, before I could even make a post about it, version 8.0.1 and its bug fixes. Since I’m new to the iTunes game and will always be happy with my beloved Foobar, I don’t know what the etiquette here is, although I’m sure you all have something to complain about. I’ll focus on how Genius refuses to do anything for me. Am I really that pretentious and my musical taste that obscure that the genius bar refuses to recommend anything that will go well with my Icelandic synth-pop collection?

What did you say? It works well you’re your Lil Wayne songs?

Sigh.

It is so lonely here on this side of taste.

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If there is one thing this sporadic column has in common with Geekologie, other than the writing style and gimmick, it is a vast hatred or robots. It is like inventors never watched any sci-fi or anime, ever.

Apparently the ROVIO is a robotic sentry for people who need robotic sentrys, like Bond villains. From what these fine folks with the absolute coolest job ever have to say in their review, the ROVIO is some sort of messiah like robot and, at $300 dollars, it actually seems pretty affordable considering how awesome the thing is. What do I know though, I once spent $800 on a robot that was supposed to keep my sister from coming into my room and moving my collectible Robot Jox figurines around, but when I got it I found out it was actually just the insides of a Colecovision fastened onto a roller skate with electrical tape. I got my moneys worth.

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EDIT: Apparently we beat Engadget to this. Hah! Serves you right for letting us copy all your news for the last few months. Wait…

Oh great, you mean I can stick a magnet near my important data all in the name of making my USB hub… making my USB hub… you know what? I can’t even think of a logical reason this is necessary. If you want one of these though, I can sell you a suit I made for training Pitbulls. It is actually hand woven with the finest threadwork… and bacon. It is only a little bit of bacon though, so don’t worry.

I accept paypal.

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File under: Things I would sell my kidneys for. I present to you an incredibly limited edition Dreamcast. For only 800 dollars you can own an awesome looking console in pretty good shape. You should want to pay 800 dollars for a regular Dreamcast, so this should be a nobrainer.

What?

You don’t have 800 dollars of disposable income? Well get out of here Captain Poverty, I don’t want you getting your hard knock life all over my wealthy blog.

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Hey Wii-tards. I never post about your beloved, controller wiggling system but one of my most often used complaints to why I think the thing is silly has been solved. Nintendo has finally figured out the answer to its incredibly complicated and mind boggling storage issues by actually allowing you to use software directly from the SD slot… and at a 2GB limit! Sweet! I can’t wait to play infinite Mario games!

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As I’m sure you have all seen announced everywhere else on the internet by now, there are heavy rumors that there will be a new Wii, nicknamed WiiHD, by 2011. Apparently the system will stick with its same gimmick-.. er, excuse me, “innovation”, and will also seek to improve factors such as storage and digital distribution. Well look at that, the little system that could is finally going to act like a NextGen system instead of a babysitter. Kudos, Nintendo. I can’t wait to see how many afflicted hipsters decide they like the original Wii better and that the new Wii just doesn’t have enough cred for them anymore.

Real gamers still won’t care.

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