As everyone knows, I love comparatively useless USB gadgets, and this one has found its place in my cold heart. For only $17 bucks (it isn’t like that money would have filled your tank anyway) you can purchase this nifty device that lights up for you anytime you receive an e-mail. You can even set this thing to flash a different color for either the location of the mail or the volume of mail contained within an account. I’m buying one. I figure 17 dollars for a physical representation of my apathy towards emptying out my hotmail account is a great investment.

3000 unread messages? Yeah. I’ll get to it blinking envelope. I’ll get to it.

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Sanyo apparently has decided that Andy Griffiths’ prediction on the downfall of Blu-ray isn’t going to keep them from making a fancy new laser. What did the Sherriff of Mayberry do to become qualified for that job anyway? The new laser will be able to write at speeds of 12x, compared to the paltry current 8x that Blu-ray burners can achieve now. It will also enable the reading and writing of four 25GB layers of information. It would take roughly 10 minutes to burn the entire disc. That is like… a whole lot of gigs per second. I would do the math but I’m a journalism major for a reason.

And that reason is to pick up chicks. Hey ladies, want to hear my thoughts on the two party system? I bet you do.

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No, really, if you went out and got yourself one of dem dere new fangled iPhones but just can’t for the life of you figure out why everything you click that offers you free ringtones makes your computer die a slow death, you are in luck! All you need is mp3s with no DRM and iTunes 8. Although, if you found getting ringtones difficult on the iPhone to begin with, this is probably way too computery for you. Just go put a helmet on and watch some cartoons. There. That is better, isn’t it?

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This magical picture frame by T-Mobile is rigged up to accept picture messages and display them while you are taking them. The only thing standing between you and this necessity is whether you think paying $100 for a tacky looking frame and a monthly fee for the picture service is a good way to spend your tip money.

I don’t know about you, but the idea of paying $10 bucks a month to be able to upload the upskirt pictures I take at the mall directly to a picture frame in my parents basement doesn’t seem all that appealing when I can just plug my camera directly into my computer when I get back from my “sightseeing” trip, but maybe you can find a better use for it… like planting one in a friends house when he is having his girlfriends parents over and taking pictures of your junk while they are eating dinner. Sorry Bob, but that is what you get for not letting me sleep with your sister.

Consider us even.

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As I’m sure you already noticed, iTunes has released its new version 8.0 and, before I could even make a post about it, version 8.0.1 and its bug fixes. Since I’m new to the iTunes game and will always be happy with my beloved Foobar, I don’t know what the etiquette here is, although I’m sure you all have something to complain about. I’ll focus on how Genius refuses to do anything for me. Am I really that pretentious and my musical taste that obscure that the genius bar refuses to recommend anything that will go well with my Icelandic synth-pop collection?

What did you say? It works well you’re your Lil Wayne songs?

Sigh.

It is so lonely here on this side of taste.

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If there is one thing this sporadic column has in common with Geekologie, other than the writing style and gimmick, it is a vast hatred or robots. It is like inventors never watched any sci-fi or anime, ever.

Apparently the ROVIO is a robotic sentry for people who need robotic sentrys, like Bond villains. From what these fine folks with the absolute coolest job ever have to say in their review, the ROVIO is some sort of messiah like robot and, at $300 dollars, it actually seems pretty affordable considering how awesome the thing is. What do I know though, I once spent $800 on a robot that was supposed to keep my sister from coming into my room and moving my collectible Robot Jox figurines around, but when I got it I found out it was actually just the insides of a Colecovision fastened onto a roller skate with electrical tape. I got my moneys worth.

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EDIT: Apparently we beat Engadget to this. Hah! Serves you right for letting us copy all your news for the last few months. Wait…

Oh great, you mean I can stick a magnet near my important data all in the name of making my USB hub… making my USB hub… you know what? I can’t even think of a logical reason this is necessary. If you want one of these though, I can sell you a suit I made for training Pitbulls. It is actually hand woven with the finest threadwork… and bacon. It is only a little bit of bacon though, so don’t worry.

I accept paypal.

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Hey Wii-tards. I never post about your beloved, controller wiggling system but one of my most often used complaints to why I think the thing is silly has been solved. Nintendo has finally figured out the answer to its incredibly complicated and mind boggling storage issues by actually allowing you to use software directly from the SD slot… and at a 2GB limit! Sweet! I can’t wait to play infinite Mario games!

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As I’m sure you have all seen announced everywhere else on the internet by now, there are heavy rumors that there will be a new Wii, nicknamed WiiHD, by 2011. Apparently the system will stick with its same gimmick-.. er, excuse me, “innovation”, and will also seek to improve factors such as storage and digital distribution. Well look at that, the little system that could is finally going to act like a NextGen system instead of a babysitter. Kudos, Nintendo. I can’t wait to see how many afflicted hipsters decide they like the original Wii better and that the new Wii just doesn’t have enough cred for them anymore.

Real gamers still won’t care.

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After NVIDIA announced their crazy cheap 9400GT, you just knew AMD wasn’t going to be too far behind. In fact, they are releasing TWO super cheap cards with respectable specs. The 512MB Radeon HD 4550 will set you back $55, while the 256MB Radeon HD 4350 will set you back a cool $39. Both cards will support DirectX 10.1 and even support for CrossFireX, so you can pair two of these badboys up and probably get some pretty average performance.

I remember I once paid 170 dollars for an ATI 850xt. I hate you computer gaming, you are like the Ike to my Tina. I mean that both because you beat me and you are dead.

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I remember when I first realized I hated the Wii, all my friends decided I just didn’t get it. I just wasn’t cool or hip enough to realize what pure unbridled fun was to be held in that little system. I felt like an old man, bitter in my old age and not understanding what these crazy kids see. Maybe I had lost sight of the innocence that once surrounded video games. Could I have been blinded by things like intricate and mature storylines and incredibly advanced graphics?

It must have been, for now I see the truth.

Now I realize how much fun can really be had with this system, I mean, a pedometer peripheral! Now I get it! Now I see the appeal! I can’t wait to strap this thing to my belt buckle and play the new and exciting Wii title, A Nice Casual Stroll Around The Mall Right After It Opens 2009.

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I had actually known about this for a while thanks to spending lots of time dressed as a teenager and hanging out at the mall along with talking to enough people who were conned into thinking Gamestop would actually be a good job and not a retail hell too evil to comprehend, but now Youtube has given us visual evidence; In older, smaller stores, the only concievable place to store video game consoles is the bathroom. Yum! I don’t really know why people are freaking out about this, it isn’t like the first thing you do when you get a new system is lick it. Out of all the horrible things Gamestop does, this ranks pretty low. It would be like if Michael Vick was actually vilified for not washing his hands before making cookies, and not vilified for the fact he was a terrible quarterback.

What? I don’t remember him doing anything else wrong.

EDIT: Hey PETA, I’m just kidding. Isn’t there a KFC you should be protesting?

Apparently at some point in the last decade Diamond went from being a well respected innovator of computer graphics to becoming the American republican party. Six months worth of GeCube manufactured Radeon HD 3800s resold by Diamond have been suffering from such a large amount of problems that Alienware actually shipped back every piece of equipment they received from them and severed all ties with the company.

Diamond has gone on record saying that absolutely nothing is wrong with their cards and that next month, instead of making any attempt to fix the issues that exist they will simply make tens of thousands of more flawed cards and inundate the market with them in a surge of shoddy products.

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